by Mike Farmer

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Recorded 2011. Put on Soundcloud 2014.

Update, December 2019: Decided to alter the tracklisting because "Die Alone" might not be the best opening statement.


released June 29, 2019

Recorded/produced by Russell Brooks

Shelby Smith played guitar on a few songs
Nick Clark played drums on some songs.
One of Russell's friends played piano on a song but I don't remember the guy's name.

It's called "Dolphin" because Russell pleaded with me to finally release the songs and when I asked what to call the "album", he told me I could call it call it anything. I could even call it "Dolphin" if I wanted to. So that's that.


all rights reserved



Mike Farmer Whitesville, Kentucky

I have been making music for a long time and I'm putting all of it here. The singer-songwriter stuff under my own name. My comedy hip-hop stuff as Kentucky Prophet. My keyboard beats comedy stuff as Mr. Neutron. I'll be adding new and old stuff from time to time. I hope you like what you find. ... more

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Track Name: The Concept Of You
I don't know the reality of you, darlin'
I don't know what it's like to be you
But if you were mine, oh, mine
Oh how that would be so very fine
and anything less than that will not do

Baby, I dig you
More than words can say
Baby, I dig you
Why let reality get in the way

And I don't know the reality of you, baby
but I love the concept of you

You don't know the real me, do you, girl?
You don't know what it's like to be me
I love to fantasize
And you make me all glassy-eyed
I got a lump in my throat and I'm wobbly in the knees
Track Name: Woman And Her Clothes
There's no separating a woman and her clothes
It's just a legend I once heard
There's no separating a woman and her clothes
Unless you say the magic words (and they are)

I am a doctor, this is my sports car
Have another glass of champagne
I am a lawyer, this is my speedboat
Let's fly to Vegas, play with this bankroll

There's no separating a woman and her clothes
No separating them at all

I am a blogger, it doesn't pay
But I'll get a book deal when Hell freezes over
My blog's unique, it critiques pop culture
I live in a trailer, my life's a failure

Over the weekend, I do the barhop
An average frustrated creep
I go home alone, empty off into a towel
Then use that same towel to weep, because

There's no separating a woman and her clothes
No separating them at all
There's no separating a woman and her clothes
Unless you make the mating call

I will invest in all of your drama
I'll follow your every whim
What kind of man do you want me to be
I'll become him
I'll become him

spoken: How'd you like to take a helicopter ride to Aspen... ski for a weekend? I got Lakers tickets, front row. The players practically sweat on you. One time, Kobe gave me a high-five after he hit a game-winning jump shot.
Track Name: Gadzooks Said The Witch
Gadzooks, said the witch
Two children stand at the front door
A pretty girl, a handsome boy
Gadzooks, said the witch

I shall make them my servants
They will toil night and day
They will my maid and butler
Gadzooks, said the witch

If they displease me the slightest
I will munch upon their bones
I will chew upon their tender flesh
Their souls will become my own

And their blood will be my water
And their blood will quench my thirst
Let them in now, first things first
Gadzooks, said the witch
Track Name: Gay 4 Luv
I'm not gay for fancy cars
I'm not gay for diamond rings
I'm not gay for silk pajamas
or any of the finer things

but i'm gay for luv, gay for luv

I'm not gay for pickup trucks
I'm not gay for limousines
I'm not gay for Cadillacs
or any precision machines

but i'm gay for luv, gay for luv

I want a love worth fighting for
worth protesting in the streets
I want a love worth fighting for
a love that can't be beat
If I could have the kind of love
that made me raise a picket sign
I'd be so happy just have it
and proud to call it mine
Track Name: My Bacon
You took a guy home that night I made you bacon
You took a big ol' dookie on my heart
Now I aint mad at you for getting your fuck on
But why'd ya have to let him have a head start
Now I aint mad at him for getting his dick wet
We all luv that ass while it's shakin'
just do me a favor
and don't let him eat my bacon

That bacon was a gift from me to you
You can share it with whoever you like
But please don't share it with the motherfucker
Givin' you the deep dick tonight

I put the bacon on the cookie sheet
I put brown sugar on the meat
I put it in the oven and it came out sweet
I poured my heart into something that you can eat

I can't get no love, girl
I can't even get no slack
and if you aint gonna me any of your sweet punany
then you better give me my tupperware back
I wish I was on top of you tonight
Think of all the orgasms you could be faking
Just let me have my dignity
and keep him away from my bacon

Bacon bits, sing it with me one time...
Track Name: Hey Pretty Darlin
Hey pretty darlin', look at me
I'm living in your world
And you're a pretty girl
I'm walking on your concrete
Drivin' up and down your street
and I'm marchin' on your beat
Tell me where you want to go
I'll take you, just let me know

Hey pretty darlin', pretty darlin', darlin'

Just to impress you, I'll put on a show
I'll reserve a ticket for you in the front row
I can't think you, baby, 'cause you make me so...
It's a word I can't recall
can't remember at all
my mind hit the wall
It's beginning to stall

Hey pretty darlin', pretty darlin, darlin'

Hey pretty darlin', look at me
I'm dancin' in your rain
I'm stopping up your drain
I'm climbin' 'round in your trees
Thawing out from your freeze
Swimming in your blue seas
Hoping that I don't drown
No lifeguards around

Baby it's your game and I want to play
I just want you to take me around the way
and I would celebrate it each and every day
If you would ever have me
I want you badly
I am so attracted
You got me distracted
Would you love me dearly
I'm not thinking clearly
I just want you near me
when the world is dreary

Hey pretty darlin', pretty darlin', darlin'
Track Name: We All Got Blues
You told me things were rough
Yeah, the dog left you and your wife died
and she took the pickup too
I might've got some of the details wrong
But I know that you've been down so long
it aint funny

We all got blues
We all got greens and reds

You told me times were tough
When the car broke down and your daughter got pregnant
And you found out that her boyfriend's name
was Dennis

We all got blues
We all got greens and reds

So let's make yellows
Track Name: Normal Love
Normal love is beautiful.
It's something I would frame on the wall
But I don't reckon I will ever get to have normal love at all

'Cause normal love is reserved for normal people
That's what I've been told
And all I've got is psychotic strangulation in my soul
Normal love is something I can't have
It makes me mad
Try as I might it's not in my grasp
The madcap laughs

I see you
Arms around your lover
walking 'round without a care
Are you happy
'cause it seems that way
I watch your public displays of caress

Normal love - it displays itself shamelessly
I've gone so long without affection - it's distressing
No normal love is gonna happen to me
This I can feel
It is to you, but to me it's not real
And that's the deal

Every song I write is a ripoff
Every lyric plagarized
There's an incompleteness in my soul
Like I'm halfway paralyzed
I can't win the girl of my dreams
or save the factory
I'm no movie hero
I'm just me
Track Name: Die Alone
When you die, all your children will look over you
and your spouse will hold your wrinkled hand
or so they say, but I
I don't know what I am going to do
but I can be sure that my life won't end that way

I will never start a family
That's the sort of thing I can't condone
I will live my life an anomaly
Thankfully I'm gonna die alone

How do you 9-to-5 with kids and wives
and ever more unhappy lives
Every day it's no surprise
Just bigger beer guts and thicker thighs
That young girl you loved, that old lady you hate
They're the same person, that's your fate
There's no such thing as diapers dry
How do you manage to get by?

I don't wanna be another worker drone
Who feeds and clothes and holds them when they cry and moan
And lets them stress me into strokes or kidney stones
Thankfully I'm gonna die alone

Everybody's telling me I need to settle down
"You need a car, you need a house, you need a plot of ground
Children are so precious. They give joy everyday."
Well pardon me if I don't want a 401K
What's so wrong with drunken fumbling 'round and one night stands
Going off to Vegas with your friends to split a gram
Being immature and getting in dumb fights
and going to the strip club because it's Tuesday night

but when you die
all your children will look over you
and your spouse will hold your wrinkled hand
Forget all that

Born with nothing, die with nothing
spend it in between
There will be no eulogy given at the scene
There will be mourners, there will be no God
just me in a burlap sack where no one finds it odd
Not even a gravestone marking my remains
No date of birth, no date of death
No shirts with crying stains
Happy to be gone but mostly glad that I was here
and I did it how I wanted
without agony or fear

I got to eat all the ice cream
I never paid the last bill on my phone
I'm glad I got no family to pay it when I'm dead
because thankfully I'm gonna die alone

I got so many memories I could write a book
No better life a human ever known
and you could disagree, but it's not a tragedy
They'll say hey that stupid bastard died
Track Name: When I Think About You I Get Sticky
When I think about you I get sticky
I get sticky for you all the time
Sticky at the thought of being with you
Sticky when I think you could be mine

When I think about you I get sticky
Sticky every minute of the day
Sticky when I think about holding you
And if you stuck to me that would be okay

When I think about you I get sticky
I know that I would treat you right
I always need a moist towelette
Just to help me get through every night

When I think about you I get sticky
I get so sticky in my head
What can I do? You turn my brain to glue
I'm so sticky I get stuck to my bed

When I think about you I get sticky
I think you when we're apart
Always getting sticky when you call me
Always getting sticky in my heart

Love is a drug, a wise man sang
You slipped me one heck of a mickey
Like I woke up in a bathtub without a kidney
When I think about you I get sticky

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